A birthmother’s love: the love that lets go
By Lisa Tweed
My heart was full of emotions as I drove home from my first placement ceremony last Friday. I joined Covenant Care in 2016 and have worked with a number of women in that time; this was the first of my clients whom I was able to serve through the entire process from first phone call to adoption placement.
There was so much wrapped up in making it possible for that little guy to meet his forever family! I had the privilege of being there for his birth and was asked to cut the cord. I quickly grew to love and admire his birthmom. She is a wonderful mother and I watched her struggle with making the choice to place her son for adoption. I watched the emotions flood over her as she chose a family for her son. I watched as she signed to surrender her parental rights. I watched her struggle with saying goodbye. I watched as she left the hospital with empty arms. I watched her heart break.
Through all of this it was my job to encourage her that she was making a good decision. Sometimes it feels like such a double-edged sword!
As a birthmom myself, I know the agony of letting go. I was painfully aware of what I was helping her do as she constructed her adoption plan. As I drove home from the placement ceremony, a song that I don’t ever remember hearing before came on the radio, “Love That Lets Go.” In the song there’s a line that says “the right kind of love is the love that lets go.”
It hit home — hard. Becoming a birthmom is a selfless journey where you truly put the needs of your baby before those of yourself. I know this and I know it well. I did it almost 22 years ago. But watching someone else do it brings it to a whole new level. Voluntarily signing a piece of paper surrendering your rights to your child brings you great joy and pride in the decision you’ve made, but it also shatters your own heart at the same time.
How often do we voluntarily and purposefully break our own hearts?
The moment we learn we are pregnant our own needs and wants take a back seat. The needs of our children become priority. If that means breaking our own hearts so that our children can have what we can’t currently provide, then that is what we do. It doesn’t mean we aren’t fit to parent or that we will never be fit to parent. It just means that at this moment, the best choice for our baby and for us is to let someone else have the joy of being that child’s mother and father. Sometimes “the right kind of love is the love that lets go.”
I won’t lie. It’s been a hard month watching this birthmom create an adoption plan and then carry it out. I am proud of her. My heart breaks for her. I want to help carry her burden. The burden feels very heavy at times. I want her to see Jesus providing for her every need. I want to be His hands and feet but sometimes I feel like all I can do is crawl.
But (there’s always a “but,” right?!)… the joy! The joy of watching an adoption plan come together overtakes all of the pain and sorrow. Watching an adoptive family have their prayers answered is such an amazing experience. To know that God has heard them and provided for, not only them, but for this child. God has answered the prayers of not only a birthmother who wants the perfect family for her child, but an adoptive family who wants to be that perfect family. Not only does the adoptive family welcome a new child into their family, but they welcome a new birthmom into their family, as well. It’s hard to put into words the emotion and love displayed in that moment.
The joy I feel for our birthmoms is overwhelming. I am so very thankful for every adoptive family who does this for their birthmothers. The beauty of adoption is the right kind of love. It’s God’s love!
So, dear pregnant girl who feels alone and hopeless — you are not alone and there is hope! You are loved. Your baby is loved. You can choose life and there is a community of people who will not only support you, but champion you. You can choose adoption. You can find joy in this journey. You can and you will, because you are not only strong, but you are birthmom strong. Sometimes “the right kind of love is the love that lets go.”
If you are pregnant and in need of prayer, direction, counseling, love, or you don’t even know what you need, but you’re scared, please reach out to me or one of my fellow Birthmother Caseworkers. We are here to help you make the best choice for you and your baby.
And we love you!
Lisa received her M.A. in Human Services Counseling in Marriage and Family from Liberty University and joined Covenant Care in 2016. She serves birthmothers in the Savannah and Coastal Georgia area. Lisa brings her perspective as a wife, mother and birthmother to her work at Covenant Care. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, or by phone or text at 912-401-4840.